You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
