please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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