I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
