I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
