Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
