dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
