You can't motorboat a personality
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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