i may or may not be watching the land before time
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize