He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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