hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
