what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
