i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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