Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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