i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
