Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
