I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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