My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
