My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
