so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
