Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
