You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
