Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize