My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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