dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize