Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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