well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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