That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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