We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
