This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
