Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
