My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
