You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
