I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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