Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize