yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
