I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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