I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I stole a fireplace last night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
