I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
