Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
