do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
