What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
