Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
birth control should be required to get into college
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
