He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
