I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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