You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
