i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
