So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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