Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize