Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
