Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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