guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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