So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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