omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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