Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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