I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize