i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
