WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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