We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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