Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
