Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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