your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
