I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
