Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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