just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
