so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
