i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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