Tell her she can't have a vagina
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
