OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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